Something To “Think” About

June 25th, 2010

WE ARE WHAT WE THINK… AND IT SHOWS

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As a Life and Business Development Coach I’ve become painfully aware over the years that people just really don’t know themselves, not their inner selves. They’ve become all too familiar with what others see in them and in many cases have adopted the opinions of others as their own. You know, friends say, “Joe, you do everything with style.” Joe then sees himself as a person of style and at some level begins to live up to that assessment by his friends. It’s a classic example of self-fulfilling prophecy. That’s fine when the reputation one is working to live up to is a good one, but what about the negative comments people resign themselves to personifying.

A man or woman who knows his or her inner self will not be influenced by the tags with which others label them. The fact is, however, that those who have actually explored their inner selves and who really know themselves are few and far between. Since the beginning of time man has engaged in the exploration of things great and small on planet Earth and throughout the Universe, and has made great discoveries. He has done so, however, without ever really knowing himself. There have been those who manage to include the exploration of self into their quest for understanding and the meaning of life and they are the great ones and are few in number.

Among my clients are some really heavy hitters, people who hold positions of considerable importance in the world. These people know and understand more about world affairs than I ever care to know…and yet, they come to see me because they need someone to help them understand themselves. Within 15 minutes after engaging in conversation with new clients I know more about them then they know about themselves.

Feeling that someone can read your mind has to be an uncomfortable experience. Many of them become, for use of a better word…spooked. Some actually consider that I could actually know things that are classified. I cannot, I have no great and mysterious powers.

What I do have is an understanding of the human mind and how it works. I learn a lot about a person by simply paying attention to their word choices. It’s a bit complicated, but essentially, the words a person chooses to use repeatedly, actually reflect their thinking and that thinking is a reflection of who they are. If the words are empowering, they empower the user. The more empowered the user the more natural it is to choose more empowering words. Conversely, if one chooses damaging words, words that destroy rather than build, that person is actually destroying him or her self with those words and as a result they wake one morning and realize that they have little control over their thinking and subsequently over their lives. It’s at that point that they finally discover that they do not really know themselves…their inner selves. That’s when my phone rings.

WHAT IS TRUTH?

May 19th, 2010

Yesterday I posted a question on Twitter that started a discussion on what, exactly, constitutes a truth. Dictionary.com offers these definitions:

1.the quality or fact of being honest; uprightness and fairness.
2.truthfulness, sincerity, or frankness.
3.freedom from deceit or fraud.

The question that drew the comments and more questions was - If someone tells you a lie, believing it to be truth, has he lied to you?

What do you think? Among those who discussed it yesterday, the opinion seemed to be that if you believe something to be the truth; you have told “your truth” although it may not be a universal truth. That brings us to the question of what truth actually is. While the dictionaries define it in a universal way, is truth not actually a moving standard?

In the days of cave dwellers the truth was that when that big ball of light in the sky fell down, both the light and warmth went away. We can only speculate as to the conversations (grunts, if you will) that revolved around that then unexplainable happening. Once those primitive people accidentally rubbed two sticks together and discovered fire, a whole new set of truths evolved.

Fast forward to Christopher Columbus, a man who was believed by everyone to be crazy or a liar - maybe both, when he told them the earth was round. Before he ventured forth to sail around the world, the truth was that Earth was flat. Everyone - well, everyone except Columbus as a few of his supporters, knew the earth was flat. That was the truth.

Today there are many universal truths we hold dear and are willing to fight to defend. When we hear someone come up with something as strange to us as manifestation, we tend to avoid them or fear such things. Actually being able to manifest anything we want by simply making the decision to have it, seeing it in our mind’s eye, being willing to put effort behind our want is a universal truth and has been a truth from the beginning of time. Things are new and often strange to us only because we’ve not explored the possibilities before us.

In my life coaching practice I have people who come to me telling me of all the things they know they could never have. I insist they could if they believed they could. That actually frightens some people and they make the decision not to work with me because they believe I’m just not telling them the truth. The ones who have stayed now have what it is the others didn’t believe it possible to have. I’m not talking about getting a new box of paper clips or finding broccoli on sale at the grocery store…yeah, you can have all that too. What I’m talking about here is a new home, the car they’ve always wanted, the life partner of their dreams, a thriving business of their own…and the list goes on.

Those who were sure I wasn’t telling the truth when I told them they could have whatever they wanted in life saw me as a liar. Those who believed me now have or are well on their way to having everything they’ve ever dreamed of having.

So the question remains, what is truth? To my mind, it goes to intention. If the teller tells something that he or she doesn’t really believe but wants to convince another of their non-truth for some nefarious reason, the intent is contrary to truth and the thing told is a lie. On the other hand, no matter how unbelievable the message if it is offered for the good of others and the teller believes it…IT IS THE TRUTH!

Do You Know What Others Hear When You Speak?

April 25th, 2010

Part I

By J.Sewell Perkins, SCI


At Success Coaches Institute we offer, among other things, two courses that generate tremendous interest – How to Sell Anything to Anyone and Winning Negotiation Strategies. The interesting thing about these courses is that they are sought only by those who make their living selling or negotiating. Others don’t seem to feel the need for such courses and many actually insist they have no need for such courses because they NEVER sell and certainly NEVER negotiate.


NEWS FLASH: If you’re living on planet earth and ever speak to another human being, you are selling and/or negotiating on a regular basis. The negotiation may be as simple as deciding where you and your partner will eat dinner or who takes the convertible on a sunny day, but have no doubt about it, you spend most of your waking hours selling or being sold and/or winning or losing negotiations.


Most people speak in patterns, patterns they learned at an early age. That, then, means they think in patterns and once you identify the way a person thinks, you have a much stronger chance of prevailing in an interaction with them. The key factors involved in all but reading the mind of another are: speech patterns, the words they choose to use, intonation, body language and, of course, any information you are able to gather about the person in advance of a meeting with them.


Anyone who has taken either of our courses mentioned above would be able to read you like a book. The words you choose, while important, are in many cases completely ignored by the savvy negotiator and as they focus in on the patterns of speech, intonations and body language. Let me offer you an example:


You’re sitting behind two really talkative people on your flight from one coast to the other. While you’re not in a position to observe their body language, you can hear every word spoken and are aware of the intonations. From the sound of their voices you guess that they are around the age of 29 or 30. One says to the other, with great excitement in her voice, “I’ve finally made the decision to get rid of Robert and am replacing him with the handsome pothead I stumbled into on my last trip back east.” The other woman expresses approval, indicating that she had always found Robert to be disgusting and would be glad to see her friend get rid of him. What have you heard? What opinions did you instantly form about this young woman and her companion? Take a moment to consider what the two young women were actually saying.


In studies simulating this situation, the conclusions drawn were greatly varied. Less than two percent of the people polled felt they didn’t know enough about the situation to reach a conclusion about what they heard. Everyone else condemned the women, particularly the one getting rid of Robert. Some of the questions asked were:


What does getting rid of Robert mean?


The speculation ranged from the belief that she was just dropping him for another guy, a guy who was really into smoking marijuana, to the idea that perhaps she planned to throw him under the bus, literally.


If she’s so crazy bout this new guy, why does she refer to him as a pothead?


The majority suspected that she also was a marijuana user and that pothead was their affectionate nickname for each other.


She isn’t really going to kill him, is she?


That would be awful. If she doesn’t want to be with him anymore she should just tell him and let him get on with his life.


Why would she discuss something like that in a place where other people could hear it?


Such personal things are better kept in private. I don’t feel right about having heard something like that.

Now, forgetting the questions and comments of those who actually heard the conversation, write down your thoughts about it. Decide the following:

Who are these young women?

What is their affiliation with each other?

Who is Robert?

What must be wrong with Robert that the friend found him so disgusting?

What did getting rid of Robert actually mean?

Have you just heard a plan to murder someone named Robert?

Why replace him with a pothead, handsome of otherwise?

Could you wind up having to go to court to testify at to the conversation you overheard?

How serious is all this and what are you inclined to do about it, if anything?

Will it stay stuck in your mind if you never get the answers to this mystery?

Once you share with me what your take is on this scenario, I’ll be glad to share with you -


THE REST OF THE STORY

Why So Many Small Businesses Fail

April 17th, 2010


We’ve all seen it happen and maybe even experienced it ourselves; the business opens and as quickly as it opens, it closes. In a state of total disappointment and exasperation, the business owner sits down, buries his face in his shaking hands and gives up. While many speculate as to how such a thing can happen, particularly when the business offered a product or service everyone seemed to want and/or need, the fact remains - roughly 50% the business that open today won’t make it beyond five years…if that long.

Having been in the business world at all levels and having been a Business Development Coach and a Marketing Strategist for roughly 35 years - longer than I’ve been a life coach (21 years) I need only to listen to the wounded individual as he or she struggles to find a someone or a something on which to place the blame. The sad but true fact is that when a small business fails, the first place I look is at the owner. That’s not to say the owner is a failure. On the contrary! What it usually indicates is that the person that started the failed business was, and is, too wrapped up in the concept and didn’t pay sufficient attention to planning. If you haven’t read my article entitled Planning Backwards, I strongly urge you do so. Enter your name and email in the form below and I’ll send you a copy.

 

The difficult part for me as a coach is to help these business owners get things turned around without completely demoralizing them. Face it, we don’t know what we don’t know and unless what we do begins with a well-thought-out plan, success is not likely. The good news is that anything can be turned around and put on the winning track as soon as a workable plan is devised and implemented.

This is the point at which a business coach is of great value to the business owner. If you’re a sports fan you’re surely aware that no matter how great a player is, the coach standing on the sidelines can observe things the player cannot. Being dedicated to the win but not actually in the game places the coach in a position to see and be aware of a multitude of things the players cannot see and are not aware of. It’s a case of not being able to see the forest for the trees… sorta!

In addition to coaching individuals and businesses, I also coach other coaches to give them ideas and strategies to better serve their client’s needs. Not too long ago I received a call from a client who had taken on a business client and wanted ideas and help in promoting his new client. The promotion of this company is something the owners had struggled with for some time. Unable to come up with anything that really worked, they hired my client to promote their business for them. My client felt trapped in what his client told him they wanted done and how they expected to have it done. My client’s client was so very emphatic as to how they wanted their company promoted that they had essentially tied the hands of the person they were paying to help them. This was clearly a case of my client’s client wanting to continue the plan that wasn’t working and expecting to get a different result. In case you are not aware, it is foolishness to keep doing the same thing and expect a different result. That’s just not gong to happen - not ever!

In the case described above I convinced my client that he would loose the account if he couldn’t turn around the financial picture. He had nothing to lose by introducing the new and innovative concepts I recommended. Hesitantly, he did make the recommendation and the company was thrilled with the concept. The end result was that their bottom line increased considerably and my client is now their hero. Having given them a concept that worked, it will be easier for them to accept any new and innovative ideas he may offer in the future.

So, in this case, it wasn’t the business that wouldn’t work, but rather the owners who, for whatever reasons, were tied to an unrealistic idea of what it would take to make their business begin to take off. This was a clear case of a would-be owner seeing someone else’s business grow rapidly with a particular approach and assuming that they, too, could make their own business grow rapidly with that same plan. That, however, was not going to happen.

What works well for one type of business will not necessarily work well for all businesses. Each person who plans to start a business needs to know everything there is to know about not only their product or service, but about their potential customers and/or clients as well. In the case of business strategies - one size does NOT fit all.

With any business, whether it’s one of the corporate giants or a smaller, single-owner or family owned company, the strategy for maintaining the business is the same. First you must plan - but you must plan backwards and you must be able to step back far enough to look dispassionately at the big picture or hire someone who can do that for you. If you’re using the right strategist that will not only get and keep you out of the red-ink column but will allow your business to thrive.

© Copyright 2010 Success Coaches Institute, LLC

Stop Going Around In Circles

February 23rd, 2010

Perhaps You Could Use a Personal

and/or Business Development Coach

By J.Sewell Perkins, SCI

It’s a well known fact that the shortest distance between two points is a straight line, right? Sure it is. When planning any trip to a place to which they’ve never been before the thinking person would use a map, or in some other way get directions.

None of this is necessary if you have your own GPS (Global Positioning System). These little devices such as are made by Garmin, Magellan, AT&T Navigator and several others are devices that have within them much research, information and a system to guide you to your destination as quickly and accurately as possible. One complaint I’ve heard about the systems, however, is that they don’t always give you the most direct route. That, in their defense, is because their programs are designed for the masses and don’t always know the short cuts that someone familiar with the area would know.

We see this in our lives as well. Whether you want to start a business, develop a business plan and a fool-proof system, or make the business you have more profitable, a coach can guide you to your desired results faster than you could get yourself there alone. Having a Business Development Coach is like having a business partner with whom you don’t have split the profits.

Often, once having seen the results a friend or business associate has achieved by using a Life and/or Business Development Coach that person will rush to find a coach without really understanding what a coach can do for them. An experienced coach will be able to see that and proceed accordingly. A Life and/or Business Development Coach does for a client what a sport’s coach does for a client.

When you’re in the game of your personal or business life you are the star. You are focused on what you’re doing. Just as a sports star must focus on the game and stay in the moment you must do the same. There’s no time to ponder whether that last hit, shot, pass, serve, run or whatever was the right one to have made. The sports coach is on the sideline observing every move and knows what could have saved the day. The coach critiques and helps the star develop both the mindset (actually, particularly the mindset) and techniques of a REAL WINNER, someone who knows and knows that they know. It’s at that point that, that star begins to really shine… and attract those multimillion-dollar contracts.

When choosing, a coach or a coaching program, it’s important to choose wisely. Some of the coaches and coaching programs that we find these days all over the Internet are either the mass production type much like the GPS systems mention above and don’t take the individual’s specific needs into consideration or are coaches who have coaching certificates of which they proudly boast, but with very little experience. The problem is that, that certificate is often a piece of paper “acquired” at a high price in a two-day class over just one weekend.

As a Life and Business Development Coach for over 20 years, I know it’s not possible to learn in two days everything needed to coach someone in either their personal or business life. The point is that before you invest your money in either a Life or Business Development Coach, ask what their experience is, speak one-on-one with the coach and make sure that he or she not only knows enough to help you, but that you have a sense of rapport with your coach.

Stop going around in circles in your personal and/or business life and look into what an experienced one-on-one coach can do for you.

THERE IS NO NEED TO STRUGGLE - Part III

May 28th, 2009

Discover Your Inner Self

An interesting thing, the human mind… men and women throughout the ages have gone to great lengths and devoted their lives to a variety of discoveries without ever exploring their inner selves. While we surely must pay homage to those who have discovered continents, life-saving vaccines, outer space, etc., isn’t it interesting that discoveries outside ourselves seem so much more interesting and important to us than the exploration of our inner selves?

Many famous people throughout history have contributed much to our world as we know it today and yet so many of them never took the time to get to know themselves. There were, of course those who devoted their lives to discoveries outside themselves and managed to explore their inner selves as well. Those were the magnificent ones and we should seek out their written works and biographies and learn from them… and that brings to mind one of my favorite quotations, actually it’s an old Zen saying…

“Do not follow in the footsteps of the masters.
Seek what they sought.”

That’s great advice but only if you’re sure that what they sought is what you seek. Hopefully the thing you seek first and foremost is to discover your inner self.

Once you really know your inner self everything else you do will be easier. Too many people live and die without ever really having engaged in that exploration. They lived off the cuff, so to speak. By that I mean that they were as straws in the wind. When the winds of fortune or failure blew one way that’s the way they went. When the winds shifted to another direction, so did they. Never really discovering your inner self relegates you to the life of someone to whom things just happen, things over which you have no control.

So, what does this discovering one’s inner self really mean? How does one even begin to do it? Well, it starts with understanding why you do what you do, why you react to certain things the way you do. It’s important to understand why you’ve never realized your dream…if you ever even had a dream. You need to know why things often don’t seem to work out for you while they seem to work out so well for others.

The answer lies in what you think about and the way you think about it. We need to delve into how success or failure; happiness or misery; loving or loveless lives are a direct results of the thoughts you have about them. Yes, your thoughts do actually determine your day to day life and, in fact, your destiny.

Memorize the following words until they become so much a part of your life that you know them as well as you know your own name and you begin to live them daily.

Be aware of your thoughts; your thoughts become your words.
Be aware of your words; your words become your actions.
Be aware of your actions; your actions become your deeds.
Be aware of your deeds; your deeds become your habits.
Be aware of your habits; your habits become your character.

Those are not just words. They serve to illustrate the progression of thinking that creates the ability to have abundance in your life. Success is your birthright and you can have it all. The catch is that to have it all, you must DISCOVER YOUR INNER SELF and the fact that your inner self is unwittingly keeping abundance away from you.

If you’re thinking that this whole thing may be easier said than done, stop thinking that now. It’s as easy or as difficult as you think it is… so my question is why would you choose to think it’s difficult.

Wouldn’t it be great if there were a Wizard of Inner Self who could just wave a magic wand over you and make you all that you have ever dreamed of being? The answer is a resounding NO! It would be rather like the down and out person who wins a couple million in the lottery. Because they did nothing to create the money they don’t have the respect for or the understanding of the significance of that kind of money and it is soon all gone.

Start where you are and gradually begin to think like a winner. As you do this, you will begin to attract to your life everything you’ve ever wanted.

Your life is a reflection of your inner thoughts.
If you want to change your life, you need only change your thinking about it.

Questions? e-mail me at:
KnowYourself@TheSecretAbundanceFiles.com
Please use the subject line - Inner Self

THERE IS NO NEED TO STRUGGLE - Part II

May 26th, 2009

DO YOU KNOW WHAT IS HOLDING YOU BACK?

As a Life and Business Development Coach I see entirely too many people struggling to accomplish their life-long goals. They have in many cases come to the end of their rope and have all but given up by the time they get to me. My job is to help them tie a knot in the end of the rope and hold on tightly until I can lead them to the path that leads to abundance.

I believe everyone wants a life of health, wealth, wisdom, love and abundance. Don’t you? The struggle for success is one that plays itself out over and over again in the minds of entirely too many people.

When the Internet became the latest and greatest thing… people rushed to find their success there but in most cases didn’t. Then real estate became the latest and greatest new vehicle with which to build wealth but while some did… most did not. Today we have Web 2.0 and the gurus are offering their best tips. Thousands of seekers buy this information and yet do not reach their goals of an abundant life.

That’s not to imply there is anything wrong with any of these programs, books, DVDs or courses. The problem lies within you. There is something stopping you and you struggle constantly to figure out what that “something” is. Please understand that I’m not telling you that you are the problem. I’m telling you that the problem lies within you.

My twenty years of dealing with those who are stuck, and don’t know why, has given me the ability to understand and help my clients identify and solve the problem. It all goes back to lack of self esteem, the inability to have faith in your abilities.

There is a lady I’m currently coaching who when she came to me would have preferred to lose business rather than ask for the sale. It was interesting; she’s an extremely attractive, intelligent and really sharp lady. When she speaks there is authority in her voice and yet she, until recently, feared hearing the word no. She told me she didn’t want people to think badly of her. The interesting thing is that her service could save her clients literally hundreds of thousands of dollars. My question to her was, “Do you realize how selfish you’re being? Think about it, she has a product of which most people are not aware, a product that could save them much money and she is not sharing it with them.

It really is all in the way we think about things. When someone tells me they can’t be successful at what they’re doing I immediately find out what it is they’re doing. In many cases it involves the sense of failure they experience when someone says no to them. If you’ve followed me for any length of time, you know that everything is what it is only by virtue of how you choose to see it. If you feel like a failure because you want to hear yes and all you seem to get is no… change your objective. Face your day with the intent of seeing how many NO’s you can get. The more you get… the more successful you will be at achieving your goal of NO! A strange thing happens when you take this approach… people will start saying yes and then you need to decide if yes constitutes failure because you’re suddenly not meeting your goal of getting all NO’s.

The point is that you have something inside you that probably goes back to the first time you brought home a “bad” report card or the teacher sent home a note complaining that you were a disruption to the class. Maybe you were actually the only thing happening in that classroom from which anyone could possible learn anything. The teacher just didn’t realize it at the time.

When you know yourself so well that you understand you do not have to fit into a mold that someone else has made for you (and often attempts to squeeze you into) you will then, and only then, be well on your way to the life you truly want and love… a life of health, wealth, wisdom, love and abundance.

Tomorrow in Part III I’m going to introduce you to the YOU that you have never met. I promise that it’s an introduction that you will not want to miss.

You can make excuses or
you can make money…
you can’t do both.

J.Sewell Perkins
The SCI Coach

THERE IS NO NEED TO STRUGGLE

May 25th, 2009

There are many doing very well in this economy. If you’re not one of them, why not? Do you actually know? My guess is that you weren’t doing all that well before the worldwide economy tanked. So, the question is not how do you overcome this economy but rather… what is it that has stopped you all these years and continues to stop you?

You’ve no doubt come up with a multitude of answers to that question. The fact that you’ve considered the possibility that there is an answer to come up with is a clear indication that either you’ve not come up with the right answer or you’ve come up with it and wouldn’t accept it. Which is it? Do you know?

The lies we tell ourselves are the most dangerous lies of all. That’s because we, ourselves, are the easiest to convince. That’s mostly because we have constant access to our minds and have become expert at brainwashing ourselves. The problem is we tend to wash our brains with muddy thoughts.

The difference between having a life of abundance and not having a life of abundance is all in the way you think. Over my 20 year career as a Life and Business Development Coach I’ve worked with literally thousands of clients on both life and business issues. The fact is, it all comes down to one thing… how you think.

In the next century all the information needed to begin living a life of abundance will be available to the masses. All the information is already here. The problem is that because it was not part of the education during your formative years, when you hear it today it seems out of your reach, something unattainable for you. You were born and taught what your parents learned from their parents and so on back through many centuries. To put it bluntly, you just showed up on this planet and got in line. It’s been a game (if we can really call life a game) of follow the leader. The problem is that while each generation is somewhat more enlightened than the previous one, the leaders you’re following cannot give you any more than they have to give in the area of knowledge and understanding.

In the next century mankind will have become sufficiently enlightened that something so basic as creating a life of abundance for one’s self and family will be a given. Future generations will learn these things from their parents and teachers… all of whom will be living lives of abundance.

The whole thing comes down to just a few simple facts:

Fact #1 You create your life with your thoughts.

Fact #2 The only reason it doesn’t seem to work for you is that you aren’t sure it will. (That approach is rather like driving you car with the brake on.)

Fact #3 Where you are currently in your life is exactly where you have placed yourself by your thoughts.

Fact #4 You can change your life in an instant by simply changing your thoughts.

Fact #5 No problem cannot be solved by the same mindset that created it.

There is still abundance in this world. All that has happened is that the wealth has been redistributed. The only thing that stops you from having access to abundance is your lack of belief that you can.

It is not possible for you to exceed your expectations of yourself.

“When you think you can, you can.
When you know you can, you will.”

KNOW YOU CAN!

Remember: THERE IS NO NEED TO STRUGGLE

Tomorrow in part II we’ll get into the specifics of how avoid the struggle and create the life of abundance of which you’ve so long dreamed.

You can make excuses or
you can make money…
you can’t do both.

J.Sewell Perkins
The SCI Coach

Welcome to the SCI Blog

May 19th, 2009

Currently we’re in an updating mode and we’re not posting here regularly as you may have noticed.  Check back on occasion as we’ll get back to posting here in the near future.

“Change the way you see and think about yourself, and who you are, and who you are and what you’re capable of will change.”