Archive for the ‘coaching’ Category

Something To “Think” About

Friday, June 25th, 2010

WE ARE WHAT WE THINK… AND IT SHOWS

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As a Life and Business Development Coach I’ve become painfully aware over the years that people just really don’t know themselves, not their inner selves. They’ve become all too familiar with what others see in them and in many cases have adopted the opinions of others as their own. You know, friends say, “Joe, you do everything with style.” Joe then sees himself as a person of style and at some level begins to live up to that assessment by his friends. It’s a classic example of self-fulfilling prophecy. That’s fine when the reputation one is working to live up to is a good one, but what about the negative comments people resign themselves to personifying.

A man or woman who knows his or her inner self will not be influenced by the tags with which others label them. The fact is, however, that those who have actually explored their inner selves and who really know themselves are few and far between. Since the beginning of time man has engaged in the exploration of things great and small on planet Earth and throughout the Universe, and has made great discoveries. He has done so, however, without ever really knowing himself. There have been those who manage to include the exploration of self into their quest for understanding and the meaning of life and they are the great ones and are few in number.

Among my clients are some really heavy hitters, people who hold positions of considerable importance in the world. These people know and understand more about world affairs than I ever care to know…and yet, they come to see me because they need someone to help them understand themselves. Within 15 minutes after engaging in conversation with new clients I know more about them then they know about themselves.

Feeling that someone can read your mind has to be an uncomfortable experience. Many of them become, for use of a better word…spooked. Some actually consider that I could actually know things that are classified. I cannot, I have no great and mysterious powers.

What I do have is an understanding of the human mind and how it works. I learn a lot about a person by simply paying attention to their word choices. It’s a bit complicated, but essentially, the words a person chooses to use repeatedly, actually reflect their thinking and that thinking is a reflection of who they are. If the words are empowering, they empower the user. The more empowered the user the more natural it is to choose more empowering words. Conversely, if one chooses damaging words, words that destroy rather than build, that person is actually destroying him or her self with those words and as a result they wake one morning and realize that they have little control over their thinking and subsequently over their lives. It’s at that point that they finally discover that they do not really know themselves…their inner selves. That’s when my phone rings.

WHAT IS TRUTH?

Wednesday, May 19th, 2010

Yesterday I posted a question on Twitter that started a discussion on what, exactly, constitutes a truth. Dictionary.com offers these definitions:

1.the quality or fact of being honest; uprightness and fairness.
2.truthfulness, sincerity, or frankness.
3.freedom from deceit or fraud.

The question that drew the comments and more questions was - If someone tells you a lie, believing it to be truth, has he lied to you?

What do you think? Among those who discussed it yesterday, the opinion seemed to be that if you believe something to be the truth; you have told “your truth” although it may not be a universal truth. That brings us to the question of what truth actually is. While the dictionaries define it in a universal way, is truth not actually a moving standard?

In the days of cave dwellers the truth was that when that big ball of light in the sky fell down, both the light and warmth went away. We can only speculate as to the conversations (grunts, if you will) that revolved around that then unexplainable happening. Once those primitive people accidentally rubbed two sticks together and discovered fire, a whole new set of truths evolved.

Fast forward to Christopher Columbus, a man who was believed by everyone to be crazy or a liar - maybe both, when he told them the earth was round. Before he ventured forth to sail around the world, the truth was that Earth was flat. Everyone - well, everyone except Columbus as a few of his supporters, knew the earth was flat. That was the truth.

Today there are many universal truths we hold dear and are willing to fight to defend. When we hear someone come up with something as strange to us as manifestation, we tend to avoid them or fear such things. Actually being able to manifest anything we want by simply making the decision to have it, seeing it in our mind’s eye, being willing to put effort behind our want is a universal truth and has been a truth from the beginning of time. Things are new and often strange to us only because we’ve not explored the possibilities before us.

In my life coaching practice I have people who come to me telling me of all the things they know they could never have. I insist they could if they believed they could. That actually frightens some people and they make the decision not to work with me because they believe I’m just not telling them the truth. The ones who have stayed now have what it is the others didn’t believe it possible to have. I’m not talking about getting a new box of paper clips or finding broccoli on sale at the grocery store…yeah, you can have all that too. What I’m talking about here is a new home, the car they’ve always wanted, the life partner of their dreams, a thriving business of their own…and the list goes on.

Those who were sure I wasn’t telling the truth when I told them they could have whatever they wanted in life saw me as a liar. Those who believed me now have or are well on their way to having everything they’ve ever dreamed of having.

So the question remains, what is truth? To my mind, it goes to intention. If the teller tells something that he or she doesn’t really believe but wants to convince another of their non-truth for some nefarious reason, the intent is contrary to truth and the thing told is a lie. On the other hand, no matter how unbelievable the message if it is offered for the good of others and the teller believes it…IT IS THE TRUTH!

Do You Know What Others Hear When You Speak?

Sunday, April 25th, 2010

Part I

By J.Sewell Perkins, SCI


At Success Coaches Institute we offer, among other things, two courses that generate tremendous interest – How to Sell Anything to Anyone and Winning Negotiation Strategies. The interesting thing about these courses is that they are sought only by those who make their living selling or negotiating. Others don’t seem to feel the need for such courses and many actually insist they have no need for such courses because they NEVER sell and certainly NEVER negotiate.


NEWS FLASH: If you’re living on planet earth and ever speak to another human being, you are selling and/or negotiating on a regular basis. The negotiation may be as simple as deciding where you and your partner will eat dinner or who takes the convertible on a sunny day, but have no doubt about it, you spend most of your waking hours selling or being sold and/or winning or losing negotiations.


Most people speak in patterns, patterns they learned at an early age. That, then, means they think in patterns and once you identify the way a person thinks, you have a much stronger chance of prevailing in an interaction with them. The key factors involved in all but reading the mind of another are: speech patterns, the words they choose to use, intonation, body language and, of course, any information you are able to gather about the person in advance of a meeting with them.


Anyone who has taken either of our courses mentioned above would be able to read you like a book. The words you choose, while important, are in many cases completely ignored by the savvy negotiator and as they focus in on the patterns of speech, intonations and body language. Let me offer you an example:


You’re sitting behind two really talkative people on your flight from one coast to the other. While you’re not in a position to observe their body language, you can hear every word spoken and are aware of the intonations. From the sound of their voices you guess that they are around the age of 29 or 30. One says to the other, with great excitement in her voice, “I’ve finally made the decision to get rid of Robert and am replacing him with the handsome pothead I stumbled into on my last trip back east.” The other woman expresses approval, indicating that she had always found Robert to be disgusting and would be glad to see her friend get rid of him. What have you heard? What opinions did you instantly form about this young woman and her companion? Take a moment to consider what the two young women were actually saying.


In studies simulating this situation, the conclusions drawn were greatly varied. Less than two percent of the people polled felt they didn’t know enough about the situation to reach a conclusion about what they heard. Everyone else condemned the women, particularly the one getting rid of Robert. Some of the questions asked were:


What does getting rid of Robert mean?


The speculation ranged from the belief that she was just dropping him for another guy, a guy who was really into smoking marijuana, to the idea that perhaps she planned to throw him under the bus, literally.


If she’s so crazy bout this new guy, why does she refer to him as a pothead?


The majority suspected that she also was a marijuana user and that pothead was their affectionate nickname for each other.


She isn’t really going to kill him, is she?


That would be awful. If she doesn’t want to be with him anymore she should just tell him and let him get on with his life.


Why would she discuss something like that in a place where other people could hear it?


Such personal things are better kept in private. I don’t feel right about having heard something like that.

Now, forgetting the questions and comments of those who actually heard the conversation, write down your thoughts about it. Decide the following:

Who are these young women?

What is their affiliation with each other?

Who is Robert?

What must be wrong with Robert that the friend found him so disgusting?

What did getting rid of Robert actually mean?

Have you just heard a plan to murder someone named Robert?

Why replace him with a pothead, handsome of otherwise?

Could you wind up having to go to court to testify at to the conversation you overheard?

How serious is all this and what are you inclined to do about it, if anything?

Will it stay stuck in your mind if you never get the answers to this mystery?

Once you share with me what your take is on this scenario, I’ll be glad to share with you -


THE REST OF THE STORY

Why So Many Small Businesses Fail

Saturday, April 17th, 2010


We’ve all seen it happen and maybe even experienced it ourselves; the business opens and as quickly as it opens, it closes. In a state of total disappointment and exasperation, the business owner sits down, buries his face in his shaking hands and gives up. While many speculate as to how such a thing can happen, particularly when the business offered a product or service everyone seemed to want and/or need, the fact remains - roughly 50% the business that open today won’t make it beyond five years…if that long.

Having been in the business world at all levels and having been a Business Development Coach and a Marketing Strategist for roughly 35 years - longer than I’ve been a life coach (21 years) I need only to listen to the wounded individual as he or she struggles to find a someone or a something on which to place the blame. The sad but true fact is that when a small business fails, the first place I look is at the owner. That’s not to say the owner is a failure. On the contrary! What it usually indicates is that the person that started the failed business was, and is, too wrapped up in the concept and didn’t pay sufficient attention to planning. If you haven’t read my article entitled Planning Backwards, I strongly urge you do so. Enter your name and email in the form below and I’ll send you a copy.

 

The difficult part for me as a coach is to help these business owners get things turned around without completely demoralizing them. Face it, we don’t know what we don’t know and unless what we do begins with a well-thought-out plan, success is not likely. The good news is that anything can be turned around and put on the winning track as soon as a workable plan is devised and implemented.

This is the point at which a business coach is of great value to the business owner. If you’re a sports fan you’re surely aware that no matter how great a player is, the coach standing on the sidelines can observe things the player cannot. Being dedicated to the win but not actually in the game places the coach in a position to see and be aware of a multitude of things the players cannot see and are not aware of. It’s a case of not being able to see the forest for the trees… sorta!

In addition to coaching individuals and businesses, I also coach other coaches to give them ideas and strategies to better serve their client’s needs. Not too long ago I received a call from a client who had taken on a business client and wanted ideas and help in promoting his new client. The promotion of this company is something the owners had struggled with for some time. Unable to come up with anything that really worked, they hired my client to promote their business for them. My client felt trapped in what his client told him they wanted done and how they expected to have it done. My client’s client was so very emphatic as to how they wanted their company promoted that they had essentially tied the hands of the person they were paying to help them. This was clearly a case of my client’s client wanting to continue the plan that wasn’t working and expecting to get a different result. In case you are not aware, it is foolishness to keep doing the same thing and expect a different result. That’s just not gong to happen - not ever!

In the case described above I convinced my client that he would loose the account if he couldn’t turn around the financial picture. He had nothing to lose by introducing the new and innovative concepts I recommended. Hesitantly, he did make the recommendation and the company was thrilled with the concept. The end result was that their bottom line increased considerably and my client is now their hero. Having given them a concept that worked, it will be easier for them to accept any new and innovative ideas he may offer in the future.

So, in this case, it wasn’t the business that wouldn’t work, but rather the owners who, for whatever reasons, were tied to an unrealistic idea of what it would take to make their business begin to take off. This was a clear case of a would-be owner seeing someone else’s business grow rapidly with a particular approach and assuming that they, too, could make their own business grow rapidly with that same plan. That, however, was not going to happen.

What works well for one type of business will not necessarily work well for all businesses. Each person who plans to start a business needs to know everything there is to know about not only their product or service, but about their potential customers and/or clients as well. In the case of business strategies - one size does NOT fit all.

With any business, whether it’s one of the corporate giants or a smaller, single-owner or family owned company, the strategy for maintaining the business is the same. First you must plan - but you must plan backwards and you must be able to step back far enough to look dispassionately at the big picture or hire someone who can do that for you. If you’re using the right strategist that will not only get and keep you out of the red-ink column but will allow your business to thrive.

© Copyright 2010 Success Coaches Institute, LLC

Stop Going Around In Circles

Tuesday, February 23rd, 2010

Perhaps You Could Use a Personal

and/or Business Development Coach

By J.Sewell Perkins, SCI

It’s a well known fact that the shortest distance between two points is a straight line, right? Sure it is. When planning any trip to a place to which they’ve never been before the thinking person would use a map, or in some other way get directions.

None of this is necessary if you have your own GPS (Global Positioning System). These little devices such as are made by Garmin, Magellan, AT&T Navigator and several others are devices that have within them much research, information and a system to guide you to your destination as quickly and accurately as possible. One complaint I’ve heard about the systems, however, is that they don’t always give you the most direct route. That, in their defense, is because their programs are designed for the masses and don’t always know the short cuts that someone familiar with the area would know.

We see this in our lives as well. Whether you want to start a business, develop a business plan and a fool-proof system, or make the business you have more profitable, a coach can guide you to your desired results faster than you could get yourself there alone. Having a Business Development Coach is like having a business partner with whom you don’t have split the profits.

Often, once having seen the results a friend or business associate has achieved by using a Life and/or Business Development Coach that person will rush to find a coach without really understanding what a coach can do for them. An experienced coach will be able to see that and proceed accordingly. A Life and/or Business Development Coach does for a client what a sport’s coach does for a client.

When you’re in the game of your personal or business life you are the star. You are focused on what you’re doing. Just as a sports star must focus on the game and stay in the moment you must do the same. There’s no time to ponder whether that last hit, shot, pass, serve, run or whatever was the right one to have made. The sports coach is on the sideline observing every move and knows what could have saved the day. The coach critiques and helps the star develop both the mindset (actually, particularly the mindset) and techniques of a REAL WINNER, someone who knows and knows that they know. It’s at that point that, that star begins to really shine… and attract those multimillion-dollar contracts.

When choosing, a coach or a coaching program, it’s important to choose wisely. Some of the coaches and coaching programs that we find these days all over the Internet are either the mass production type much like the GPS systems mention above and don’t take the individual’s specific needs into consideration or are coaches who have coaching certificates of which they proudly boast, but with very little experience. The problem is that, that certificate is often a piece of paper “acquired” at a high price in a two-day class over just one weekend.

As a Life and Business Development Coach for over 20 years, I know it’s not possible to learn in two days everything needed to coach someone in either their personal or business life. The point is that before you invest your money in either a Life or Business Development Coach, ask what their experience is, speak one-on-one with the coach and make sure that he or she not only knows enough to help you, but that you have a sense of rapport with your coach.

Stop going around in circles in your personal and/or business life and look into what an experienced one-on-one coach can do for you.